How I Found Connection in a Disconnected World

When I Needed it Most

I’ve got the pre-launch jitters.

My partner and I have been working on our mobile app Daily Haloha for more than two years now. I’ve spent much of this time at my kitchen table-as-office playing marketer, accountant, designer, and PR maven to prepare for Daily Haloha’s launch in the app stores. For so long our finish line was this — a public product available for download. It’s only recently I’ve realized that it’s not the finish line but instead the starting point of our next journey. And you know what? I’m nervous. Some days I think people will love the app, others I’m not so sure. I’m at that point in my life where I’m comfortable saying I don’t know. What I do know is that this startup journey has brought inspiring people and organizations into my life, and whatever happens, I’d do it all over again.

I’ve had brushes with loneliness and been challenged to hold onto a deep sense of belonging. It’s why the times I’ve felt disconnected from those around me have always been my most trying. It’s why other people’s struggles with acceptance and connectedness have always moved me deeply. And it’s why my partner and I decided to create our app Daily Haloha, a simple ritual to feel more deeply connected to ourselves and others, every day.

I wanted to counter the divisive and disconnected nature of the country and world we live in today, and I knew I wasn’t alone. As I spoke to friends, family, and colleagues I realized many shared my mounting anxiety over our frayed connections; but I was shaken when some of these same kind and generous people seemed to be reserving their compassion for “their own,” even showing disdain for “the other.”

What happened to our sense of shared humanity?

Don’t we belong to each other? Apparently not as much as we used to.

We don’t have to look far to see signs of mounting isolation and tribalism, and to feel its effects. We’re disconnected from ourselves and each other. In a recent Psychology Today article, Niobe Way of The Crisis of Connection: Roots, Consequences, and Solutions, delves into the evidence around our loss of connection. Her research points to three underpinnings: a decline in trust and empathy, increasing depression and anxiety, and heightened loneliness and social isolation around the world. What’s more, our penchant for empathizing is not only declining, but we’re applying it more selectively. NPR’s Hanna Rosin details an alarming modern approach of “empathy, but for your own team”, a practice that deepens divides rather than bridges differences.

And society is reeling from these effects. Niobe Way cites heightened inequality, the rise of hate crimes, and increasing mass incarceration as consequences of the decline in trust and empathy. Our mental health is suffering too: loneliness and isolation are linked to significant mental and physical health risks, and the US and UK have declared loneliness an “epidemic” due to its meteoric rise and devastating effects.

Yet, we are wired to connect.

We humans are inherently social and relational beings, with great capacity for empathy and altruism.

I immersed myself in the data about connection, empathy, and belonging as part of the discovery process for Daily Halola, and what I found was a tremendous connection problem. While I felt validated by the data that codified and quantified what I was already feeling, I was disheartened to see it laid out so starkly. But there was something else. Something encouraging, a sliver of light at the end of this dark tunnel; I found there were other people — passionate, curious, innovative people forging solutions that bolster empathy, cultivate kindness, and reinforce connection.

Here are just some examples of organizations large and small that are forging new paths of connection for all of us:

LISTENING TO EACH OTHER’S STORIES

· Sidewalk Talk: Nurtures human connection by teaching and practicing heart-centered listening in public spaces.

· StoryCorps: Preserves and shares humanity’s stories in order to remind one another of our shared humanity, to build connections between people, and to instill in our culture that everyone’s story matters.

CONNECTING THROUGH THE ARTS

· Daybreaker: Fosters connection and community through early morning dance parties all over the world where everyone is welcome, and everyone belongs.

· The Unlonely Project: Raises awareness about loneliness while exploring and promoting creative arts programs to foster expression and connection.

BRIDGING DIVIDES

· Love Not Fear: Grows our capacity to choose love over fear in our digital and everyday lives through resources, events and community.

· Living Room Conversations: Connects people across divides by facilitating friendly and meaningful conversations across issues that separate us.

CONNECTING THROUGH KINDNESS

· The Kindness Rocks Project: Cultivates connection in communities through kindness. An organization centered on painting and leaving rocks with inspiring messages for others to find.

· Life Vest Inside: Inspires, empowers, and educates people to live a life of kindness. LVI has created a powerful kindness network rippling kindness around the globe.

The startup world is a grind. You need to be diligent and resourceful, have grit and be scrappy. You have to internalize the idea that there’s always a way, even if it’s not this way. It’s why entrepreneurs are advised to “fall in love with the problem, not the solution.” I’ve long been in-love with this problem, and now I’ve fallen in love with the other people trying to solve it. These organizations and leaders, and the many others like them, are dedicated to healing what divides and isolates us. They give me hope that we will find our way back to each other.